I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
