now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize