the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
