I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
