Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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