i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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