You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
