In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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