i was born a porn star she said
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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