fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
