I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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