The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
