Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
