The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
