I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
