She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
