I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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