Im at strip club and am horny
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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