how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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