The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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