i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
