I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
