The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
