i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
