We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
