You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
