I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
