She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
