I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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