you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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