you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
