hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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