No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
