I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
