btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
