U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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