Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Who died my cat blue again?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
