my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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