i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
