she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
