need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
