so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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