Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
