maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
