R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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