There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
