you guys were way drunker than both of me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
