Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
