you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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