I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
