do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
