we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
