Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
