Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
