She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
