member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
