I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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