I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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