it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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