I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
