at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
