im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize