i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
