He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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