after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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