oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
